That time period nonetheless stings, doesn’t it? It appears as if individuals in every single place need you to put on a big, scarlet letter “D” round your neck. Each type you full asks in case you are divorced or widowed, not simply single or married. You might be typically scorned by the church due to your previous. You are feeling as in case you are a complete and full failure.
It’s depressing to not slot in, particularly at church. You don’t actually match with the singles, an eclectic group that spans many many years. And also you don’t match with the married teams both, though you as soon as did. You don’t match with the completely satisfied little households, all coming collectively to have fun holidays and particular occasions as a “full” household.
Even for those who did slot in, there are time constraints. When you have full-time custody of your kids, you might be so busy making an attempt to juggle work and child schedules and your many different obligations that you don’t have any time to go looking out a brand new circle of associates. You don’t have any time to contemplate a social lifetime of your individual. And, even for those who may discover associates and actions, there’s no cash for little one look after an occasional night of grownup fellowship.
After which there are these well-meaning Christians who need you to know that you’ve got failed Christ by your divorce. They let you know that God hates divorce. They let you know that for those who remarry someday, you’ll endlessly be residing in an adulterous relationship, absolutely condemned to everlasting hell. They let you know that you have to stand within the hole, praying for reconciliation along with your ex-spouse. That’s your solely choice—apart from remaining single for the remainder of your life.
You surprise how you’ll ever survive. You surprise if God can forgive you. You could even surprise for those who actually sinned. So many questions, and so many various solutions.
I perceive. I entered marriage with a covenant mindset, with plans for till loss of life can we half. Divorce was not an choice for me.
Till it was.
You see, typically hearts harden. Typically individuals flip their backs on God’s good plan for his or her lives. Typically one celebration makes decisions that endlessly change a covenant relationship. Possibly there’s adultery. Possibly there’s abandonment. Possibly there’s abuse. All the time there’s sin.
Possibly, like me, you tried all the pieces. You begged God, night time and day, to save lots of your marriage. You tried marriage counseling. You gave your all for years and years, and also you by no means noticed something besides continued adultery in return. You sought sensible counsel from those that knew you finest. You spent untold hours in search of knowledge from God earlier than you lastly walked away.
Possibly you weren’t even a Christian once you went by means of your divorce. And but now that you’ve got given your life to Christ, you discover individuals telling you that you have to stay single. You might be struggling to reconcile the God who lovingly referred to as you to him with the one different Christians are presenting to you. You’ll be able to’t appear to achieve a spot of understanding.
Or possibly you have been the responsible celebration. Possibly you had an indiscretion. Possibly your selfishness pushed your partner away. Possibly you have been so caught up in your profession that you simply uncared for your partner till he/she couldn’t take it any longer. Possibly it was your habit that made life with you insufferable. You reside with the fixed disgrace and guilt that you simply destroyed your loved ones.
I perceive. I’ve lived by means of the damage and the ache, the disgrace and guilt. I used to be as soon as the “good” Christian. After which my life shattered. My household crumbled beneath the ache and disgrace of divorce. Our ministry was stripped away.
I had nothing left however Jesus…however Jesus was greater than I ever wanted.
It has been a protracted, robust highway, however my God is within the means of redeeming each damage and ache I’ve skilled. He has been precisely what I want on this journey, precisely once I wanted it. He has been my Nice I Am. He has been my peace and my supplier. He has been my helper and pal. And he’s the giver of recent life, the one who can resurrect our lives from the loss of life of divorce.
And right here’s what I need you to know:
1. God Hates Divorce
Oh, I do know you cringe once you hear that! It’s thrown in your face as if divorce is the unpardonable sin. However let’s be sincere: God does hate divorce…and so do you…and so do I.
As I started to look extra deeply into Malachi 2:16, I discovered the context attention-grabbing. You see, the context is of the untrue partner, the one who hurts his/her partner deeply. It’s about being merciless to your partner, the one which we must always love and shield greater than every other. God hates the actions that always result in divorce as we all know it.
Since we’re throwing round issues that God hates, let’s check out one other passage:
There are six issues the LORD hates, seven which might be detestable to him: haughty eyes, a mendacity tongue, palms that shed harmless blood, a coronary heart that devises depraved schemes, toes which might be fast to hurry into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and an individual who stirs up battle locally (Proverbs 6:16-19).
Ouch! That stings! Let me simply say that anybody who’s throwing Malachi 2:16 at you must cease and check out Proverbs 6. We, as Christians, want to recollect that there’s none righteous, not even one (Romans 3:10). We have to keep in mind that Christ died for our pride and our lies simply as a lot as he died for our divorces. And, it’s typically the sins of Proverbs 6 that result in divorce.
Since strolling by means of my very own divorce, I’ve come to the conclusion that God hates divorce due to the immense ache and struggling that it causes his kids. It’s far much less about sin and much more about his father’s coronary heart for us.
2. To Remarry… Or Not?
I’m positive you’ve got heard the arguments that you simply can not remarry until you wish to reside in adultery and danger your everlasting soul. I, personally, have an actual drawback with that.
Let’s begin with interpretation of scripture. I’m neither a Greek nor Hebrew scholar. There are sufficient of these round that I can flip to them to realize from their years of training and expertise. Nevertheless, not one in every of us was round to have full data of what God meant when he gave the Holy Spirit impressed scripture to the authors. There are students who say remarriage isn’t an choice. There are students who say remarriage is simply an choice within the case of adultery. And there are students who say remarriage is all the time allowed due to God’s grace.
It doesn’t matter what, any interpretation is strictly that: a human interpretation. Solely the scripture itself is a divinely impressed Phrase of God. Now we have to be very cautious about taking a human interpretation and forcing it on others, lest we turn out to be just like the Pharisees. Finally, your resolution to remarry is between you and God. It’s a resolution that needs to be made in prayer and session with trusted biblical advisors. And, it’s a resolution that ought to solely be made once you (and your future partner) have taken loads of time to heal out of your previous hurts and to turn out to be as very like Christ as attainable.
Right here’s a fast thought for you: the lineage of Christ recorded in Matthew 1 lists a prostitute (Rahab, who ultimately married Salmon), an adulterous couple (David, who married Bathsheba after having her husband murdered), and a widow (who married her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz). I discover it very attention-grabbing that there are three ladies who have been remarried within the direct lineage of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Can we are saying grace?
3. God is the Redeemer of All Issues
All through scripture, we’re given so many guarantees to point out us that there’s all the time hope! Romans 8:28 tells us that each one issues work collectively for the nice of those that love God. Zechariah 9:12 tells us that God will repay two blessings for every of our troubles. In John 11, Jesus proclaims that he’s the resurrection and the life; he’ll take you from the loss of life of divorce and breathe new life into you. And 1 Peter 5:10 says that the struggling gained’t final endlessly however someday he may have you place collectively and in your toes once more.
When this journey started for me practically six years in the past, I wasn’t positive I believed these guarantees. God had failed me, or so I believed. I had devoted my life to him, and the “blessing” I obtained was a husband who was unrepentant of his adultery. I used to be completed with God.
However he wasn’t completed with me. He pursued me relentlessly and referred to as me to get my safety from him. He gently jogged my memory that he has been with me all the times of my life and that he wasn’t going to go away me now. He jogged my memory that he has nice plans for me.
I used to be a damaged, rejected mess. However God jogged my memory that he loves me, that I’m his chosen little one, his treasured possession. He advised me that I’m the apple of his eye (Psalm 17:8). He jogged my memory that I’m his masterpiece, created to do good works (Ephesians 2:10). I used to be as soon as referred to as, and may by no means be disqualified as a result of his name is irrevocable (Romans 11:29).
As I selected to give up, he started to work in my coronary heart and in my life. I’ve seen his provisions each step of the way in which. He has flooded me along with his peace. He has given me a a lot deeper understanding of his love and his grace, a extra intimate relationship with him. He has taken my ache and given me a ministry. I actually consider with Job that the second half of my life will likely be extra blessed than the primary (Job 42:10).
And he desires to do the identical for you. All you should do is give up, ask him to do a mighty work in you so he can do a mighty work by means of you. Inform him that you simply don’t need this journey, however you’ll take it so long as your ache will not be in useless.
I promise he’ll reply.
Your pal in Christ,
This text is a part of our bigger useful resource: The Christian Woman’s Guide to Starting Over after Divorce: 7 In-Depth Steps to Take Starting Today. If you happen to’re going by means of a divorce or are already divorced and searching for extra assets, be sure you go to our information!
Dena Johnson is a busy single mother of three youngsters who loves God passionately. She delights in taking the on a regular basis occasions of life, discovering God in them, and impressing them on her kids as they sit at house or stroll alongside the way in which (Deuteronomy 6:7). Her best need is to be a channel of God’s consolation and encouragement. You’ll be able to learn extra of Dena’s experiences along with her Nice I AM on her weblog Dena’s Devos.