3. Deal with the Worry or Damage
The offended particular person you’re keen on is afraid or damage as a result of they really feel threatened. Anger is a symptom of feeling threatened, damage, or afraid. Love drives out concern (1 John 4:18). So present them love by speaking with them by way of their concern. Ask open-ended questions that assist them course of whether or not they felt a risk to their safety, connection, or management. You’ll start to see that there’s a constant sample to what makes the particular person offended – it’s practically at all times the identical sorts of conditions that result in their anger. Expressing what they felt simply earlier than anger is difficult, so listed below are some phrases that may make it easier to assist them to course of.
“I obtained offended as a result of I felt ________.”
Safety feelings: Deserted, Susceptible, Threatened, In peril, Belittled, Alone, Ganged up on
Connection feelings: Like I used to be being in contrast, Not adequate, Invalidated, Unloved, Rejected
Management feelings: Embarrassed, Humiliated, Ignored, Helpless, Powerless, Overwhelmed, Weak, Belittled
Speaking by way of the first feelings—what they felt earlier than they obtained offended—might require some endurance in your behalf. Usually, anger has develop into such a default response that many individuals actually assume anger was their first emotion. It could require some thought on their half and steerage from you for them to get in contact with the first emotion. However we solely resolve the deeper, ongoing points, by understanding and serving to the particular person we love to acknowledge the supply of their anger.
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